sink deep

Every morning I try to dive into worship, prayer, and bible reading the moment I wake up. It makes a huge difference in my day when my first sight is set on Jesus. But for the past few days I've really been slipping. The reason for that is...can I be honest with you? I've been so caught up in myself! Recently I had a video go viral on Facebook, my views and followers have been increasing a lot, and I've made some new and exciting friends. Life has felt so amazing that when I wake up in the morning, I get so caught up in my little successes that I neglect Jesus, the lover of my soul and the source of all my blessings. It's hard for me to admit this but it's true. 

This morning when I woke up, I fell into the same selfish behavior, but a few minutes in I knew it was really time for me to pray...so I did. I asked God to humble me. I asked him to help me get rid of my pride and the me-centered way of thinking that I've adopted. It's just so easy for me to lose sight of Jesus when I get caught up in the things of this world. God answered my prayer immediately.

After I prayed I turned on some worship music. First I played "Only King Forever" by Elevation Worship. Then for some reason I played "Sinking Deep" by Hillsong. This is one of my favorite worship songs in the whole world but I rarely play it in my morning time with God. 

You see, it was this time last year that I first heard "Sinking Deep" and fell in love with it. Hillsong Church in NYC was playing it a lot because it was one of the songs on their new album. So when I turned it on this morning, I was reminded of one year ago from today. I had flashbacks of what life was like. I had a boyfriend and things were good between us, school was going great, and of course the crisp weather had me super happy. Even though my relationship with God was in the background of my life (because who needs God when you have a great boyfriend right? psh), I was living on a cloud wrapped up in my earthly treasures-- very similar to how I've been caught up in myself and losing sight of Jesus for the past few days.  

A few minutes into the song I remembered that on this very same day last year, my then boyfriend broke up with me for the first time. Total shock! My bubble was bursted...my cloud deflated. I was empty because I lost the thing that filled me. Even though we got back together the day after, I spent my whole night in panic and frenzy...wondering what I would do if I lost my boyfriend god for good. 

That horrific night was only foreshadowing what would come 3 months later...the permanent end to our relationship. It was the beginning of what would be a really hard season for me-- one that I'm still walking through today. But where did it all start? It started with me putting my all into the things of this world which are never secure-- things that are fading away and dying with every moment that passes. 

This is how God spoke to me this morning. It was him that lead me to play "Sinking Deep"...to be reminded of what happened the last time I shifted my focus. God is not jealous for us for no reason. He's jealous for us because he knows that he is the only security we can ever have. I mean look at me! In September 2013 I had a relationship that I thought would last forever. In September 2014 it's gone for good. In September 2013 Jesus was there. In September 2014 he is still here. He never changes...and that's why it is safe for us to give him our whole hearts...to worship him alone as God...to enjoy our earthly blessings instead of worship them. Something to think about ;)

Love you always,

Lauren <3