The Ugly Switch

 

     Lately I have been struggling with feeling incredibly unattractive. I think my nose is big, my hair isn't shiny, my stomach is NOT flat, and my hands are so skinny that you would think you are shaking hands with a skeleton. As a matter of fact I kind of dread taking that engagement photo (in the future) with the ring on my finger because all I can think is oh no...people are going to see my hands. 

     These insecurities worsen when I meet someone that I like. Automatically I think that that person would never go for someone like me. Then I think about all the girls he would probably prefer, and right then and there I rule myself out completely. This is how it goes: I see him, I see me, I shake my head: there's no way. 

     

     But it's a new year...and suddenly those thoughts are starting to feel "so last year". I got to thinking about how I could turn them off. There are so many books out there which try to help us realize how "beautiful" we are. Many times they recommend that we do stuff like stand in front of the mirror every day and repeat an affirmation that says "I am beautiful. I am beautiful. I am BEAUTIFUL". But that is SOOOOO much work. Why can't it be simple...like a light switch? Ugly...beautiful. Really though, why can't it be like a light switch? 

     Well, it is! The way I feel about myself really is a light switch. Whether the switch is turned to ugly or beautiful, all depends on who I allow to do the switching. Maybe I can just choose which one to believe. I can choose to believe what the culture says...that I am an ugly lazy fat person because I don't have a straight nose, can't wear a lo rise bikini, and can't run a mile in less than 7 minutes. Or I can choose to bounce those thoughts off of me and keep my switch turned to beautiful because I am fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who has never messed up on any creation. 

     

    I know it's not easy but let's stop trying to feel better about ourselves. I think trying is overrated. When those thoughts come to destroy your self esteem, simply disagree. Stand on God's word which says "You are altogether beautiful, my love. There is no flaw in you." Song of Solomon 4:7. And don't get it twisted...that's NOT positive thinking. It's TRUTHFUL thinking. It's not opinion...it's FACT. 

     I'm sick of looking at the external and thinking that it's all that matters. That if I don't pass the outer beauty test, no one will care about my inner beauty. My new rule is to see things inside out...including myself. My primary beauty is that which is the beauty of my heart...."the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in God's eyes". 

     And to the man I marry...whether he looks like a GQ model or the boy next door (is that a thing?), he will look at me and see the fullness of my beauty, both internal and external. I will be the most beautiful girl he could ever find because he will see me through the lens of Jesus. And through that lens, I am a magnificent creation beaming and glowing with beauty and light and love. This is my new truth. This is your new truth. And it's grounded in the ultimate truth which is the word of God. It's as easy as a light switch. YOU choose which you want to be. YOU choose who to believe. 

Love you so much.

-Lauren <3