SHAME

     

     Wanna know what's on my heart this morning? Shame. It's such an ugly word and such an ugly concept. Many times shame is the thing that stops us from coming to the Lord. Why? Because it makes us feel unworthy of his love. It makes us feel unworthy of changing. It makes us feel unworthy of a new life, of a new mindset, of forgiveness. And the enemy? Oh he LOVES to use shame. The enemy knows that even though we've stopped our old habits and are walking in God's transforming grace, that we still at least remember our past. Therefore, he can always use shame to keep our heads hanging low. 

     Will you grant me a really quick pity party? Okay so...I woke up this morning feeling shame. The first line of my journal entry today was "Looking back, there isn't even a handful of things that I wouldn't do differently". As I'm on this journey I want so bad to move forward. But then I remember that there are people out there who know things and have things that can completely humiliate me. I can just hear them..."Oh you're a 'Christian' now? Remember when you _____???" That thought terrifies me! How can I really be new if all the old stuff is still there waiting to strike me at any given moment?

     You see, in our way of thinking, something new doesn't have a past. A baby, a car with 0 miles, a pair of stark white high top converses ;)...these things are new. But me? New? With my sinful past? With everything I've done? I'm new? How can that possibly be?

     Here is the good news. Before we come to Christ, we walk in our flesh, think in our flesh, and act in our flesh. But when we come to him our old selves are crucified. [We] are crucified with Christ. It is no longer [we] who live but Christ who lives in [us] Galations 2:20. That's right. We are new because we have literally been BORN...AGAIN. 

     So congratulations, you're dead! You have died and now it is Christ who lives inside of you...he lets you be his dwelling place. Man, that is so beautiful! He makes a home inside of you and is now living through you. The ONLY thing that does not die when we come to Christ is our physical bodies, and I believe that God does this to show us how he takes sinners and makes them righteous. He takes us in our hopeless state and redeems us back to life. He wants us to be living proof of his goodness. He wants all the world to see that he can take us from nothing and bring us everything. 

     So what do we say to our feelings of shame? We head to Romans 8:1 and say that there is no condemnation for those who belong to Jesus Christ. If you're feeling shame today, I understand completely. Right now I feel it too. But as we continue to walk with Jesus, let's do our best to remember that he's come to destroy all of that. And if people from your past come to remind you of your past, remember that in Hebrews 8:12, God says he's forgiven your sins and REMEMBERS THEM NO MORE. Please, my love, choose to listen to the creator of the universe over some low life who's coming to bring you down.

I love you always,

Lauren <3

No Dating for One Year

     I have decided to go on a pretty interesting journey. That is, I'm going to be taking one whole year off of dating. Here's some background information. I was in a relationship which ended about 8 months ago (in December 2013). Throughout that time I had really been trying to sort through my feelings of rejection, confusion, and doubt...among other things. I was waiting for God to either restore my previous relationship or bring a new person into my life. Somehow I felt that if either of those two things happened, it would give meaning to the whole situation and everything in my heart and mind would be settled once again. But neither of those things happened and I continued to carry the weight of it all every day. So...what now?

     A few days ago I was taking a walk with my cousin and she told me about a sermon series she watched called "Love Sex and Dating" by Andy Stanley. In the series he talks about how we should stop spending so much time waiting to find the right person, and instead focus our energy on becoming the right person. He poses the question...are you the person that the person you're looking for is looking for? In other words, if you were to meet the person of your dreams today, can you say with all certainty that they would want you back? This whole idea was life changing for me. I want to be married at a young age and this made me realize that my time as a single person is VITAL to my time as a married person. We all need to make use of our seasons of singleness to invest in our future relationships and marriages. 

     In the series he also mentions taking a year off of dating so that you can renew your mind, walk through healing, and ultimately prepare yourself for the relationship God may have for you in the future. My cousin said that she had made this commitment, and feeling very convicted by her words and his, I decided that it would be a wonderful idea for me as well. I want to deepen my walk and my relationship with Jesus. I want to be healed, renewed, delivered, set free. And I also hope to be a really great wife one day. 

     This isn't me giving God a timeline to do his work. It's not me trying to bargain with him or even trying to say that this is a formula you can use to make your problems go away. We know that in this life there will always be tribulation. I'm more doing this to set boundaries for myself. This is a guideline to help me and something for me to stick to. To hear the whole thing, watch the video below. I will be doing an update every month on my YouTube channel, and in between I will come on here and give some tid bits about what God is doing in my own heart.

Love you always,

Lauren <3